I never realized how haunting doubt could be. Lingering, always present in the back corner of your mind. It creeps up on you; it wants to limit you. It wants to hold you back.
Self-doubt? That’s the worst kind. You can handle doubt in others. Your control over the situation isn’t necessarily the determining factor. But doubt in yourself? Not being sure of what you are capable of, not being sure of your own steps or what you have to offer. Not being sure of your worth. That has a trickle-effect like no other.
It can trigger anger. It can trigger frustration, and when it does, you only end up doubting yourself more. It can trigger insecurity and it can make your ability to have hope weaken. It will make you question so much.
And because of this, doubt can be suffocating.
I don’t know if it’s avoidable. I don’t doubt my Lord and what he is capable of doing… it’s myself that I lack confidence in. In my worthiness. In my ability to produce something worthy of him. In who I am, in the strength of my personality. In the actions I take and in the quirks that make me me.
But the thing is… doubting myself is doubting the Lord. Who am I to say that his plan isn’t in action? Who am I to be unsure of that plan? Who am I to say that I’m not the person he created me to be?
I don’t know how to combat this other than to constantly remind myself how Great my God is. I am human; I let emotions and insecurity take hold of me. But he? He lets nothing of this world take hold of me.
Just about every time doubt is mentioned in scripture, it’s followed or preceded by faith. What is doubt but lack of faith? Faith in the Lord should correlate directly with faith in yourself. It’s belief that you are a child of God, and he will use you how he intends.