I don’t think I’ve made it a huge secret on this space of mine that I’ve been slightly struggling lately. Nothing major, just a compilation of little things along the way. Because life isn’t easy. And as general of a statement that is, there is too much truth to it. The stress that you feel as an adult? There is absolutely nothing that can prepare you for that.
I know I’m only facing a fraction of the struggles that others are dealing with. I’m not writing this to gain your sympathy. Or to be “woe is me” or make it seem like I’m an underdog. Please, don’t tell me that you are sorry for me. Because you see, I’m not sorry. Struggling gives me one choice alone to make. It leaves me no option but to cling to my Lord.
“Let Me help you through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone.”
By definition, challenges in and of themselves are a test of one’s abilities. Don’t you see? Each struggle is a test. A test you cannot overcome on your own. Is there any test we can pass without guidance? The teacher in me knows that to be impossible. But, like all other tests we face, the help is there and has been there all along.
Do we try to trounce these tests on our own? Sure. Do we see growth? Sure. But in my twenty something years of experience, I always meet my downfall. I am not aware of how much I need my Lord until I am amidst the chaos. “This awareness opens up a choice: to doggedly go at it alone or to walk with Me in humble steps of dependence. Actually, this choice is continually before you, but difficulties highlight the decision-making process.” So much truth to that statement. When surrounded by situations that leave me at a loss or where I feel a lack of control, the need to be decisive becomes ever more present. Maybe it’s not even the need, but the pressure. I think it all derives from a desire to have control. To not even need to make a choice.
That, my darlings, is where I face my weakness. “…this choice is continually before you…” I hold on so desperately to my Savior when my heart needs him near. When I need him to hold me and nurture me. But I don’t choose daily to allow him into the control I’ve weaved so tightly on my life, at least not like I should.
No, I don’t like my heart to hurt. No, I don’t enjoy being stressed and overwhelmed. And while it’s not exactly easy to delight in these troubles like He asks me to, I can at least delight in knowing my Lord is near to me. I will revel in his arms around me. Cling to him, I will.
*Quotes are taken from Jesus Calling’s March 7th Devotional.