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I’m Not Her, and That’s Ok

comparison-gameToo often lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated. Not at anyone or anything in particular, but more so at the lack of time or my lack of ability. I know I’ve been overworking myself – my gut-wrenching need to pick up a book and reliance on a nightly glass of wine tells me that. I know I’m stretching myself thinner than I need to be. Heck- I’m writing this after midnight (sorry, Mom). Because between my dedicated full-time job, the regular nuances of life, the day-to-day necessities of running a (hopefully) successful blog, and attempting to pen a devotional? This is my chance to stop and think. And my chance to write.
 
See, I was reading another blog I follow, and was admiring the blogger for her positive and inspirational manner. I mean, she’s always inspirational. And it made me think- why can’t I be that way? Why can’t I write posts like that? She’s so successful being this encouraging… should that be me?
 
And then I wanted to slap myself in the face. No. That isn’t me. That’s her, and she’s great like that. That girl is needed, but that’s not me.
 
 You see, I don’t have it in me to encourage all the time. To always pour into others or put on a brave face. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make me a terrible person. It doesn’t make me rude (I hope). It just makes me real.
 
I’m learning to accept what I can get done in a day. I’m learning that my pace in handling what life throws at me has got to be my own. Trusting my personality in a world of competition and social media isn’t exactly a walk in the park – I question myself on a daily basis. But how I interact with my readers? It’s real. It’s not hiding the fact that I can’t seem to get a grasp on things; it’s showing you that this is me, I struggle, and that’s ok. 
 
So, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to look at the bright side of things, or that you’ve got to smile through it. Because sometimes, the bright side seems too far away to focus on and you really just don’t want to smile. And that’s ok– you’re allowed to accept that life. is. hard. No buts, just that. Life is hard. You don’t need to have a fix for it right away.
 
My Lord made me to be me, not another girl who’s skilled in the art of uplifting others. He made me real, he made me unique, and he made me human. He knows what worries me, he knows what stresses me out. He knows how I’m going to end up on the other side of things and what he’s going to do to give me peace before it’s even peace I need. And to be honest, I think he’s ok with the fact that I’m probably not going to be sunshine and roses tomorrow when I wake up after just a couple hours of sleep. Because he lets me be real, and he loves me all the same.
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  • Oh, the struggle bus and being stretched everywhere, I hear ya on this one. Happy weekend.

  • Mary

    I have been feeling the same way lately. I feel like I am struggling in everything, my blog, my home projects, my parenting. Thank you for keeping it real and reminding me that I only need to be who the Lord made me to be and nothing more.

    • It’s good to hear that I’m not alone in this!! Thanks for the sweet words, Mary, they mean so much!

  • Mes Voyages à Paris

    This is so inspiring!!

    xx

    Mónica Sors

    MES VOYAGES À PARIS

    NEW POST: GREEN TRENCH & VELVET SCARF

  • I love these honest posts Emily. I think that by being yourself and being open about your struggles, you ARE uplifting others more often than you may think. I could really relate to what you said here–I’ve been feeling incredibly exhausted lately, and though I knew I would be right now, I have to keep reminding myself that I will sleep eventually and it will get easier. Sometimes I see other mom bloggers who seem to have it all together and I get jealous… thanks for reminding me to just let go and be me. 🙂

    • I can only imagine your exhaustion! Another new mom friend was saying that she wakes up literally every 3 hours- it sounds like something that you never quite can fathom how you get through it until you actually live through it. That means a lot Shea, thank you!!!

  • I love this! I get annoyed at myself sometimes when I wish I could take photos that look as good as other bloggers or promote myself as well as they do…but in actual fact our unique style is what makes our blogs awesome.

    • Exactly- it’s how you stand out in the first place. That’s such a good reminder, Megan!

  • I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Life has just been hard lately – really no reason or explanation – and, I, too have been falling trap to the comparison game. It’s such a tricky thing that we do as bloggers, but we have to find a balance and remember that we all are unique and have our own voice. Hang in there, girlfriend! You’re not alone!

    • It really is! And surprisingly enough, the source of the comparison is so often the comfort from it too. Thanks Karly, I appreciate that!!