Too often lately, I’ve been feeling frustrated. Not at anyone or anything in particular, but more so at the lack of time or my lack of ability. I know I’ve been overworking myself – my gut-wrenching need to pick up a book and reliance on a nightly glass of wine tells me that. I know I’m stretching myself thinner than I need to be. Heck- I’m writing this after midnight (sorry, Mom). Because between my dedicated full-time job, the regular nuances of life, the day-to-day necessities of running a (hopefully) successful blog, and attempting to pen a devotional? This is my chance to stop and think. And my chance to write.
See, I was reading another blog I follow, and was admiring the blogger for her positive and inspirational manner. I mean, she’s always inspirational. And it made me think- why can’t I be that way? Why can’t I write posts like that? She’s so successful being this encouraging… should that be me?
And then I wanted to slap myself in the face. No. That isn’t me. That’s her, and she’s great like that. That girl is needed, but that’s not me.
You see, I don’t have it in me to encourage all the time. To always pour into others or put on a brave face. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make me a terrible person. It doesn’t make me rude (I hope). It just makes me real.
I’m learning to accept what I can get done in a day. I’m learning that my pace in handling what life throws at me has got to be my own. Trusting my personality in a world of competition and social media isn’t exactly a walk in the park – I question myself on a daily basis. But how I interact with my readers? It’s real. It’s not hiding the fact that I can’t seem to get a grasp on things; it’s showing you that this is me, I struggle, and that’s ok.
So, I’m not going to sit here and tell you to look at the bright side of things, or that you’ve got to smile through it. Because sometimes, the bright side seems too far away to focus on and you really just don’t want to smile. And that’s ok– you’re allowed to accept that life. is. hard. No buts, just that. Life is hard. You don’t need to have a fix for it right away.
My Lord made me to be me, not another girl who’s skilled in the art of uplifting others. He made me real, he made me unique, and he made me human. He knows what worries me, he knows what stresses me out. He knows how I’m going to end up on the other side of things and what he’s going to do to give me peace before it’s even peace I need. And to be honest, I think he’s ok with the fact that I’m probably not going to be sunshine and roses tomorrow when I wake up after just a couple hours of sleep. Because he lets me be real, and he loves me all the same.