So, I have this plan. Last year, I wrote a post called “What I’ve Learned in One Year of Marriage.” Granted, those truths are all still so true, but I’ve learned so much more. And I was thinking, I’m never going to be a pro at this marriage thing, but my husband and I are going to grow every year. And as we age, and our family grows, and things change, I’m going to learn a whole lot more. So my plan is this: Each year, I want to document what new things I’ve learned. Sometimes they might repeat, but that’s ok. Because I guarantee how I learn a lesson one year is different from how I learned it the year before. I recommend going back and checking out that post before or after reading this one; it’s neat to see how they compare (annnddd to see some of my favorite pictures that I had to convince myself not to use twice;)).
What I’ve Learned in Two Years of Marriage
One. Talking it out might be the last thing you want to do, but often it’s exactly what you need to do.
I’ll admit, I’m ridiculously stubborn, especially when it comes to arguing, specifically arguing with Brett. And sometimes, I really just want to yell it out. Get all my frustration together and let it go at once. Learning to take a breath, step back, and calming rephrase myself or see things from his perspective is a straight up challenge, but one I keep working toward.
Two. Pillow fights aren’t just for kids. Ditto for tickle fights.
If you can’t have fun with your spouse, then what are you doing getting married? I don’t care how old Brett and I get, I want us to still resort to childish ways together, because that’s fun. And I like having fun with him.
Three. New experiences are better with each other.
We learned this pretty early on, but it’s reiterated time and time again. We can travel apart, but we don’t enjoy it as much. He see’s something awesome on one of his many trips, and he wants me there to see it too. I go to this new town, and I want him to explore it too. There’s so much truth to the saying “do life together,” because you honestly don’t want to experience parts of life apart.
Four. You’re on the same team.
I hear Brett remind me of this all the time. “Babe, remember, we’re on the same team.” Sometimes I try to pit myself against him, but the fact is – I should never be against him. Everything, every challenge, every obstacle, every win, every accomplishment, we’re together. Unless we’re playing board games, that is. Then, I will gladly oppose him.
Five. Hurting your spouse hurts worse than being the one who was hurt.
It’s one thing to disappoint yourself, or to be disappointed in someone else. But to know that you let them down, that you are the reason they are upset, you are at fault? That’s the worst. Knowing you caused someone you love so much pain makes yours ten times worse.
Six. Marriage is sacrificial.
When I was writing the devotional last fall, Brett had to sacrifice so much. Brett had to let me sacrifice so much. When two teaching salaries make living tighter than comfortable, he gives his time to work two jobs day in and day out. You are no longer living two lives, you’re living one, and you both have to contribute to that. And, in order to make it the sweetest it can be, you both have to be willing to sacrifice.
Seven. Compromise is essential.
I cook, he does dishes. He takes care of the yard, I (sometimes) take care of the kitchen. We both do laundry. He goes to play golf, I go get drinks with the girls. He understands and allows my ridiculous routines. These things don’t always work for our schedules, and they can be frustrating if one of us isn’t carrying our weight, but they are necessary for living life together.
Eight. Choose to love each other daily.
Some days, this isn’t easy. Sometimes, he makes me so mad, I scream. Sometimes, I frustrate him to no end. But we stood up in front of our closest family and friends and in front of our Lord and promised to persevere through it, to love each other endlessly. And each time we have to consciously make that decision, our love is so much stronger because of it. We’re not only accepting each other’s faults, but we’re choosing to love each other because of them. Not with a human love, but a Godly love. The purest.
If you want to check out any other wedding related posts, head here to see our literary themed centerpieces, here to see the fun details that made the day, or here to check out what to keep in mind when choosing a wedding dress. And don’t forget what I learned in one year of marriage!
Last year, I received some awesome comments with other great lessons friends had learned in their time being married, from one year to 18 years. I’d love to hear more advice below!