The posts about my religion have always been the easiest for me to write. They typically spill out when I need to get something off my chest or feel strongly about the words I have to say. When I decided that I wanted to create a product to accompany my blog, the decision of what that should be was instantaneous: a devotional.
It was triggered when I read a post that put it into perspective for me. If I had a month to talk to someone about something, what would that something be? If I had just a week, what would it be? If I had a day? It wouldn’t be style or life hacks. It would be faith. Those are the words I’m passionate about and what I truly want to be heard.
It amazed me how easily the idea of a devotional came, and how confident I was in that decision. I had very little doubt that it was what I should write. And the ideas started flowing from there: how long it would be, the theme, the title even. It all came so easily.
Until I got to the words. I’ve never had a hard time coming up with words to say about the Lord. Even in this post, the words are flowing. But writing a devotional? Something that has the intention of drawing others closer to the Lord? Cue ALL the doubt.
Doubt overwhelmed me. Not regarding whether or not I was capable of writing this, but doubt in my ability to convey the words the Lord wants me to. Doubt in my worthiness to write it in the first place.
When I think of Christian authors, I always make the assumption that they’ve got everything together. That they are Godly, that they are examples we should look up to, that they are Christ-like. But me? I’m a mess. I can be mean, I can be judgmental, I can say things I regret. I can be bossy, I can be selfish. What gave me the right to tell others how to live this life? Who am I to think I can do this? When people read it, will they expect me to behave a certain way? What if I let them down? What happens when I let them down?
I’m not writing this to tell you how I overcame that feeling because I haven’t. I battle it every time I sit down to work. I’m not writing this to ask for your affirmation. I’m telling you that we will never feel adequate for the plan the Lord has for us because we aren’t. Where we fall short, that’s where he has room to work.
My plan? I’ve just got to trust that he’s going to use this devotional in spite of me. I get to write it, and then it’s in his hands to use.
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