You guys, I have been facing ALLLLL the body issues this week. I’ve been feeling nauseous and tired, which I’m sure doesn’t help. But I’ve also beaten myself up every time I look in the mirror. I’ve been frustrated at myself for being hungry. I’ve looked in the mirror and started to cry over the silliest of things.
And then I walk away and feel all. the. guilt.
Which makes it cyclical. Frustration. Guilt. Frustration. Guilt.
Which led me to think, ‘God, I know you’re trying to send me a message here. You’re trying to teach me something to help me to overcome this… I just don’t know what that is.’
Ironically, every day I have these thoughts, I walk into school and get reassured by my friends or students. I happen to work with one of my closest friends, and of course when revealing to her how my morning had gone and these thoughts I was having, the tears started falling.
“Oh, Emily, you have to give yourself grace!”
Do you realize how hard it is to actually give yourself grace? How hard it is to just wrap your mind around grace? That topic was one of the most difficult for me to write in Heartbeat, because it’s just so dang hard for me to grasp. It’s one of those words that has multiple definitions or interpretations. It can mean refined elegance. It can refer to a prayer. It can imply that someone is just simply thoughtful and courteous. But in this case, it’s root takes hold in favor. Being forgiven, being accepted, and being thought of as worthy because you are in favor of the Lord.
So to give yourself grace? That would mean removing your worldly prejudices and seeing yourself as the Lord sees you. Seeing yourself as someone who deserves his favor, or even your own favor.
Which, quite frankly, is dang hard to do when you’re already in a negative state of mind. But moreso than being what you should do, it’s what you need to do in order to grasp the extent of the Lord’s grace. Because the little things that you are trying to forgive yourself for and let go of? He has so. much. more. to forgive you for. And saying that is not to make you feel guilty, but rather to help you realize that if he loves you enough to give you that grace, then surely he loves you enough for you to give yourself that grace, too.