I need this post. I need to write this post. I need to express it, because expressing it is healthy.
You see, friends, I’m angry. I’m frustrated and confused. And while there are certainly tangible, physical beings that I’m wanting to release this anger toward, who’s taking the brunt of it? My Lord.
I’m angry with my Lord.
Bad things? They happen. They happen all the time, to you and to me. And your hand might be more difficult, or more burdensome than mine. Or mine might be more pressing. Or yours might have absolutely nothing to do directly with you – but it makes you angry none the less.
There is no avoiding the crap in this world. It’s there because Satan is there. It’s a battle we will always fight, the only battle that is already won but continues to be fought. Because we have the. most. relentless. enemy.
I’m angry at the Lord for letting things happen. Things to good people. People who love him, and live to serve him. No, it doesn’t make sense.
Guys, even Jesus felt frustration. He felt forsaken, and he cried out.
It’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to doubt. To be unsure that his hand isn’t ever present over the situation. That he doesn’t see the depths of our heart, and know our pains, and know the outcomes. That his purpose, despite how incredibly difficult and blind to it we may be, isn’t still in effect. It is always in place. That doesn’t mean we don’t or that we won’t doubt. Doubt is second nature. Especially when things are hard. But that? That’s the essence of faith. Straining for surety that God’s plan is in effect through your angers and frustrations and doubts.
In all honesty, it’s one hundred times easier for me to grasp that Jesus died for someone like my mom, who loves him ardently, than it is for me to grasp that he also would have died just for the lady that robbed and injured my grandmother. That he would have died for her sins? As her savior? That love knocks the air out of me. But he did. As much as I can’t stand her, as much anger as I have toward her, my Lord loves her. My Lord loves the worst, loves the people we can only fathom hatred for.
And it’s not that he won’t judge, or give consequence where consequence is due. He allows every chance for repentance, but he will do what he must. Can you imagine the pain that he feels, when those he loves dearly become so far removed from him that they lose the very breath of life he gives? I can’t.
Yes, I am angry. There are reasons for us to be angry. Our society, our world makes us angry. And though it may be so incredibly hard for us, we have got to trust that his hand is on the situation. That, no matter how God-less it may seem, that no circumstance is out of his grasp. That he sees our hurt and says, “my child, you are one whom I love. I am with you.“